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  • What makes a woman, a woman? #InfertilityNotATaboo

    what-makes-a-woman-a-woman #InfertilityNotATaboo

    What makes a woman, a woman?

    ‘A woman is a human who is generous, full of compassion, affection; possess grace with lots of patience. She has a strong will power.’

    How a man can’t be defined with these characteristics?

    ‘Well yes, but woman is associated with everything that is love.’

    But still, why you call someone a woman?

    ‘Man and a woman have different anatomies. A Woman is called a woman because she creates new life. She gives birth.’

    What if she can’t?

    (poker face, don’t know the answer)

    If she can’t give a birth, she is not a woman?

    (still searching for the answer)

    This week, I put people around me in a situation where they responded in the way, you just read.

    A Woman, or a female of the species, is someone who carries a child in her womb and gives birth. Man or a male who gives sperm for the reproduction process. What if a man or a woman for any given reason is not capable to reproduce?

    Infertility is considered as a taboo. It is as hurting for a man as for a woman. When we are living in a society where it’s a habit of encroaching somebody’s personal problem and brutally trolling them in public that it actually becomes a curse for them, one can imagine how abusive it can go for women.

    Women who are infertile are considered inauspicious and not allowed to perform certain rituals. Many times they are not welcomed at celebrations and festivities in families, in the fear that their presence will bring bad luck to the host family.  Why are infertile men not treated this way? Why no one stops socializing and chuck them out of the society as any infertile woman is subjected to? This is a bizarre thing to not invite a woman who can’t have a baby (and in many cases who doesn’t want to have a baby at that phase of her life) to a baby shower ceremony. A female doesn’t get pregnant or lose her ability to get pregnant by touch or presence of some person in the room or the house!

    The focus here is not to compare as who is treated how, the pain they are going through is same, whether being a man or a woman. It’s a personal issue; problem arises when others start making it a big deal and go on to label the woman as ‘Banjh’

    It’s a personal issue; problem arises when others start making it a big deal and go on to label the woman as ‘Banjh’

    Infertility is a disease

    A human body has many systems that make it function and work properly. Digestive system, Circulatory System, Endocrine system, Exocrine system, Immune system, Skeleton system, Nervous system, Urinary system, Respiratory system and Reproduction system.  If any system does not work the way it is meant to be, we call it as a disability or a disease.

    We take care of blind people, physically handicap, people who are going through depression and various other ailments. Unfortunately, people who have medical problems with their reproduction system are chucked out from the society instead of helping them. I look for a logical reason and found none.

    If a person who is not able to speak, hear or see things due to their disability is not put down as ‘bringing disgrace’ to their family, then how a woman who is not fertile can be cornered like that. Till the time we educate our own society against this prejudice, that infertility is a disease, not a curse, we inadvertently add misery to a woman’s (and in some cases a man’s) life.  These women have already lost their mental peace, confidence, some relationships and a huge amount of money in treatments, isn’t it enough?

    I look for a logical reason and found none.

    A woman’s nightmare

    I met this lady who has just turned 38, some days back. She is married for 6 years and is now in dilemma. She wants to have a baby but at the same time is no rush for now. Her husband is quite okay with this, in fact, they together took this decision. They do not want a baby till last year because of their professional struggle and financial crunch. Now they are trying but not that desperate. Her doubt is, as her biological clock is ticking and if she is not able to conceive, her husband may leave her and marry someone else.

    Theirs is a love marriage. During this sensitive discussion, while she was opening up and sharing her fears and dilemmas, I was thinking it’s all in her head and nothing of this intensity is going to happen. Now, my rational mind backed this thought. They both have not met any doctor. They do not know the issue if there is any and with whom. It might be not their right alignment with the time to have a baby.

    It was difficult to sleep that night. Her question kept bothering me ‘my husband may leave me, to marry someone else.’ They were not trying earlier because of both of their financial insecurity. If they need a treatment and they delayed it for some reason, how is it her fault? Why she will be shown out the doors?

    How a woman becomes ‘not a good wife’ if she can’t deliver a baby?

    I understand when one decide to end the marriage on grounds of infidelity, compatibility, lack of love, cruelty etc. What I don’t understand is after so many years of marriage one decides to divorce the partner because they cannot produce a baby. How can a relationship break over not having a child? Does she stop loving and supporting her husband? Does she stops taking responsibilities of a wife and daughter in law? Does she stops being the kind of sane person she used to be? Does she become inhuman? She remains the same. She can be going through depression, partly because she is upset with herself, partly because of the treatment of the society.  All she needs is a support not isolation.

    Solutions and Scars

    Our medical sciences have advanced so much and now there are many treatments that a woman can undertake to be able to have a baby (other than suggested fasts and rituals by the society). All these methods are extremely painful and horribly expensive. One can take years and years to respond to them and results are not always guaranteed. Both husband and wife get drained themselves and deplete all their savings in the hope. They are already going through a lot. We as a society should take the responsibility of not taunting them all this while #InfertilityIsNotATaboo .It is plain simple medical problem and the couple is already taking treatment for that.

    If nothing works, adoption is also a solution. What more beautiful can be, to be parents to someone who needs them. Unfortunately, adoption is also scrutinized by some in society. They go one labeling the woman as ‘banjh’ and abusive titles for the child.

    Motherhood

    Adoption is a personal choice. A woman may not want to give birth, it’s her choice.  In any situation, her motherly feelings are not lost. She will play with kids, love them the same way. Motherhood is experiencing or raising a child. Infertility has nothing to do with behavior, likes, dislikes and emotions. She is still a woman if she can’t give birth.

    So I finally ask again

    What makes a woman, a woman?


     

    This blog is to #SpreadAwareness about Infertility through Infertility Dost, India’s first website that facilitates couples to brave infertility with support and knowledge. You can find other links  on Write Tribe

  • How to make sure it’s a High Value Content?

    How to make sure it’s a High Value Content?

    Lately, have you felt that your content is not getting many shares and views? No matter how much time you have devoted to creating a particular piece, at the end, it is not getting the result that you desired?

    Bloggers, You Tubers and all the content creators / producers, may I have your attention, please. Thank you.

    high quality content

    Content is king, but why no traffic in the wing?

    There was a time when it was preached ‘Content is King’, so to get the maximum benefits everyone started posting high quantity of stuff and paid a little attention to the quality. That high quantity content is not bringing you enough laurels in the form of traffic, social media shares, leads or any sort of proposals. Looking at the falling numbers you might have speed up publishing more content. You are putting efforts and finding new ways of recreating interesting content. But then again, it is also under – performing as per your planning sheets. Now, if Facebook ads get near to 0.05% of CTR, then it pretty much explains the downfall phenomenon, and you should feel alarmed.

    The reason for getting lower views is not because people are not interested in media or they have gone back to reading newspapers and watching televisions. Instead, the reason is that today, there are too many content creators like you. Let’s check, how many YouTube stars you were aware of in 2010 or even in 2012? If you started blogging in 2008, then how many bloggers were around you? Now, what are the numbers in 2016? The graph is skyrocket high.  So if these many people will publish new content so frequently like the way you are doing, chances are less that your content will be seen and the consumed by the masses.

    High- quality stuff.  Ehh??

    You might wish to advocate your content as “High- quality” content. To justify yourself, here is a self-analysing guide, to justify, if your content is epic, sans your follower count or mailing list.

    1. Your blog / website / YouTube channel etc is growing exponentially with time.

    Once you publish your content and do not put any efforts to promote it, see how many backlinks / social media shares / leads you can generate through it?

    When I say ‘not putting any efforts to promote your content’ I mean, you are not pushing your content with any sponsored or manual shares. If your SEO is getting you traffic and your mailing list and by default connected social media channels are getting your clicks and some leads, then your content is ‘high-quality’ and people are liking it.

    Go ahead, gear up your game; your results are growing with time.

    1. Would anyone pay for it?

    In case if you have to sell your content, independently, will anyone be interested in buying that? If yes, then for how much? Your content’s worth and capability should be much more than a like, comment, share, subscribe or even exchange of what’s app number or an email id.

    If someone can actually buy your content for real money, then you are producing ‘high-quality’ content.

    1. Does anybody care?

    To keep the buzz on and maintain the excitement level with your readers you keep them posted about your latest projects and what they may see published next from your side.

    How many times you get messages from readers to know what and when you are publishing your next? How many times are you approached by PR people or other brands for quotations? What if you do not publish for long?

    This small yet harsh guide will be able to give you all the answers and raise some questions for your hustle to publish more and more.  We still say, ‘content is king’, but that king needs to be produced with King’s pedigree.

    So, what should you do now?

    Now, this doesn’t mean you should scrap your content or give utmost time to prepare your masterpieces. Instead, this is the time; you should re-evaluate the role and the objective of your need, to create the content.

    Creating content for you is as huge as your whole business model. It is also a critical (substantial) part of your marketing plan. The more content you create, the more marketing efforts you will need to put in order to be consumed by the masses and thus giving you business.

    Blogs or Vlogs are your products which are slightly different than “traditional” products in the market.  Your marketing plan can be awesome but at the same time, your product should also be matching those efforts.  Fortunately or unfortunately (depends on how you see this) your product is your each and every piece of content. In order to make it awesome, you have to sit and make a new plan. You can’t rest a day and let your product sell passively.

    Every piece of content is a big deal.

    It will be wise to say, you should sit back and re-plan your content strategy.  Focus on quality production and increase your marketing activities.

  • Do things. Feel Alive

    Do Things Feel alive

    Do something that keeps you alive.

    Stuffed inside your comfy sofa, chilling with music, having a cup of coffee in one hand and following internet celebs for what they are upto. Taking screenshots and making notes of almost everything. If you believe you are working, then let me tell you – its nothing. It can be anything  but doing !

    Enough of absorbing things and talking great about what others have done.  Please stop looking at what millennials are doing. What are their work ethics. How large or easily available network they have. See how carelessly they are taking risks, churning out their creativeness and consistently giving out new every time.  You might be in 20s or just entering in your 30s. Well, you might have experienced your market for more than 2 decades and now in 40s. It doesn’t even matter.

    Start doing things, yourself. Jump onto the wagon, make mistakes and see what works for you.  Put your hands on that “Enter” button and do it now. There are no books, no laid rules about how to progress. Of course there are theories, some well executed case studies that you can follow and plan your thing. If you have absorbed tons and tons of knowledge, your next craving should be to get that into your work.

    Everyone is a learner. But as a Entrepreneur / a startup guy / freelancer / artist / blogger / influencer our working should not stop because we are still-learning-so-taking-break phase.

    Keep doing things.
    Learn the best while doing.
    Doing is what makes feel alive.

    More power to you
    SillySense

    PS: If this makes sense, please share it for those who may also appreciate and are in real need of a kick to get up and get doing.

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  • Embrace the mess

    Embrace the mess

    We are artists.
    We are full of ideas.
    Our diaries are messy.
    We are fussy with choices.
    We can tell things precisely.
    We are active at 2 am
    We need a nap at 8 am.
    Our phones are full of screenshots.
    Our goals shinning on boards.
    We want this, we want that.
    We interact and make friends.
    We subscribe to nearly everything.
    We dream and desire
    one day we will inspire.

    This short messy poem is for all those entrepreneurs, freelancers, artists, home based business people who are continuoulsy thinking and doing things. They know no limits, they keep on doing and finding a way to their dreams.

    “Being in this mess, makes you imperfectly perfect. You own this”

    Cheers to everyone of you
    SillySense

    PS: If this makes sense, please share it for those who may also appreciate and are lovely in their own unique mess.

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  • 99 things that did not work out

    The key is in those 99 things that did not work out.

    99 things

    “Once upon a time there was a King and his Queen, they had a vision of serene and prosperous kingdom where only love flows … and then they made this happen.”

    Viral stories. Profitable Business Models.  Celebrity Start Ups.  Flood of  Followers. .. Nothing just happen overnight, neither there is any coined strategy for this. Just look at all those 99 things that are not working out for you, analyse them, find some missing directions and you will yourself create that ONE thing which works out !!

    I have got 99 problems and failure is none of them.

    There is absolutely no one who has reached their desired destination in first shot. For success there might be 99 things that have gone wrong. Don’t see them as failures and then eventually go on to  reject the whole idea or method in your due course of action. Sit back, relax and observe them again. Learn why these 99 things failed. Which direction you missed and how close were you.

    These 99 things that did not work out are important. Go back to all the ideas you listed in initial stage, who knows you may find some hidden treasure there.  You can be either an entrepreneur, a freelancer,  a home based start-up or may be a creative genius artist.  You all have burned your midnight oil in statistics, targets, data sheets and what not ! You have buried your days travelling and meeting people for real or in virtual world (browsing, searching  and interacting  thousands through social media). Shouted your USPs like crazy and shower for longer hours to create new master plans. You have partied on Saturday nights to chill down, pour all your heart in your work but still got injured and success looks like a little away.

    You read case studies and success stories, they are all about that 1 thing which took the person to success. I am trying to make you re think that you are trying but still not taking you to success and find those 99 things in all those success stories you are reading.

    The King and Queen have travelled the journey well with their 99 things in those small 3 dots, you never got to see them.

    Good Luck.

    SillySense

    PS: If this makes sense, please share it for those who may also appreciate and embrace quick motivation.

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